so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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