I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
