I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We need to get me chipped asap
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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