WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
