you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
