he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
