i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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