is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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