I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
