i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you didnt know i had herpes?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize