Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
