; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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