angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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