I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
True college students do jello shots in the library
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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