I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
