I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have aggressive nipples.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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