She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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