I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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