What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
