So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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