Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
