Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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