puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize