i barfeds in our rink
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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