so that wasnt chicken after all
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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