census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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