shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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