I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
