I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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