This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
