who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
