onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
