She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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