My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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