I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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