My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
