i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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