I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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