We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
