I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
