and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
