hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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