i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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