i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
