I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
