He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
