It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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