i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize