Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
