Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
