You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
