All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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