I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
