we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
