omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
