I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
