i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
