508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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