i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
