I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
