your room smells of hookers.
And success
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
