it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
