whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She needs sedatives and a leash
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
