I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
wow bdsm is so cute
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
