Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
