the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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