my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How does one acquire holy water?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
