i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
