shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Randomize
