I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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