I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
