so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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